Realization
by EvangelicalZeal
Summary: What if Margaret and John had been a bit more forward with eachother? Based on the BBC television series North and South.


A/N: Hi, this is my first story I've ever written on . I've always loved to read, and I thought I would try my hand at fanfiction before I started doing anything original. I've always loved North and South, the book and the T.V. series. I hope you enjoy the story so far!

Also, I'm terrible at coming up with titles for works, so it might change if I can think of something better.

Chapter 1

"…And I have a better opinion of you than you do of me, at the moment…I feel."

Mr. Thornton frowned. He was unsure what to make of this statement. Through most part of their acquaintance Miss Hale had continually disparaged his city and hometown, but also him and his behavior. Now, all of a sudden, she spoke of having a changed opinion of him?

Her reference to his opinion of her being different was not altogether difficult of follow. In their previous meeting in her home, he had spoken to her roughly and violently, but those words were born out of feelings of utter jealousy and despair. He was still hopelessly and desperately attached to her, and although his violent temper had gotten the better of him at that particular moment, he knew would have forgiven her in an instant if she had displayed any tenderness towards him.

But she had not. And she had not offered any explanation towards her behavior that fateful night at Outwood Station either. Yet, here she was for once not insulting him, but rather stating that she had a better opinion of him. What could she possibly mean by such an ambiguous statement?

Mr. Thornton studied Margaret in the entrance of her small Crampton home. He made no movement towards the stairs to have his lesson with her father. Margaret's pale face was bent over her graceful hands, which she was wringing in an agitated manner. Her entire being pervaded a feeling of discomfort, most likely from his presence. He felt he should leave, let her compose herself, yet his curiosity got the better of him.

"Then what is your opinion of me, Miss Hale?"

Margaret looked up in surprise, letting her jaw drop a small distance, before closing it immediately and studying his face. She was met with Mr. Thornton's striking blue eyes that did not betray any dislike; however, they did not portray any other emotion either. She had not expected him to respond to her statement, and was now unprepared to deliver an answer. She felt color rush up to her cheeks as she hung her head once again, but this time in embarrassment. He had never spoken so frankly to her – no but he had – that day after the riot, where she rebuked his declaration of love so abominably. She could not really blame him for asking such a question. Had she not spoken cruelly for most of their acquaintance? She felt they had always misunderstood each other. She, not understanding the ways of the north, nor the business that he dealt with. He, not understanding they ways of the south, and her attitude towards how she dealt with people less fortunate than she.

Margaret was most decidedly ashamed of all that had transpired between them; the riot, the ill-timed proposal and her cruel rejection, and most of all her falsehood towards the authorities. She knew now he was not the man she had thought he was. He had saved her despite her rejection, and despite her lies. Thinking back to everything that had occurred, made her heart ache desperately. How could she have treated him so terribly, when he had already suffered so much in his life? She, who knew his history, still treated him as if he were not fit to be seated in the same room as her. How embarrassed and guilty she felt only thinking about it! And every time she was in his presence, those emotions seemed to wash over in massive waves, leaving her feeling utterly distressed. How could she not have seen before that he was a most honorable man, perhaps one of the most honorable in her acquaintance?

And now, she was given to opportunity to take a step forward, and perhaps break down the wall between them, that had been there, seemingly, since the start of their acquaintance. She was aware that she had been silent for several minutes, lost in thought, yet he was still studying her. She took a deep breath to steady herself, and looked up again to meet his eyes.

"I…" Margaret cleared her throat and began again. "I know now that you are honorable and fair, and most decidedly not the cruel master I once took you for," she boldly stated, not removing her eyes from his.

It was Mr. Thornton's turn to be surprised. He had not expected such a straightforward answer from her, let alone one that praised him in such a manner. He gazed at her, but he found no contempt in her stare, instead her eyes were hopeful as she waited for his response. His silence caused the color in her cheeks to heighten, yet she did not remove her eyes from his. In all honesty, he found himself slightly frustrated by her answer, especially since almost every time she did offer up an opinion regarding him, it had most definitely never been so positive. He was never sure where he stood with her when they conversed, even more so now due to her unexpected statement.

"I am most confused, Miss Hale," Mr. Thornton finally said at length. Margaret raised her eyebrows and opened her mouth to speak, yet Mr. Thornton did not let her voice her thoughts. "You have never disguised your less than positive feelings towards me or your attitude to my business ethics. How is it your opinion of me has changed so remarkably?"

Perhaps this was not the most polite manner of questioning her, but he was tired of speaking in formalities or in argument, which had never helped solve any of the disagreement between them. He could not help himself. He only wanted to be rid of the tension which was perpetually between them, and if he had to be candid about it, then so be it.

Following this bold question, Margaret had lowered her head once more, and he feared he had gone too far in his questioning, had spoken to daringly. He opened his mouth to apologize, however, at that precise moment, she looked up, and he was overcome by the plaintive expression which was spread over her beautiful face. She gazed at him with such wistful tenderness, and with such hopeful longing, emotions he had never dared hope she would ever display in his direction. Her flushed face and bright eyes left him momentarily stunned. Her red, full lips parted slowly as if she were about to speak, however, he never had a chance to hear what words that were about to come out of her mouth.

"John? Have you arrived? Come on upstairs!"

Mr. Hale's voice broke through the moment they found themselves in and dragged them both back to reality. Mr. Thornton stepped back from Margaret, while she immediately dropped her head to study her hands, not daring to look up again. The momentary spell they had found themselves in was broken, and neither thought they would be able to recall the moment. Mr. Thornton turned to walk up the stairs, but turned only after a few steps. Margaret was still rooted to the stop, watching him leave, and they once again found themselves looking into each other's eyes, both wishing they could read the others thoughts. Mr. Hale called Mr. Thornton's name again, which caused him to proceed up the stairs, and Margaret to leave the room, and continue with whatever duties she had abandoned to see Mr. Thornton in. The unexpected turn of the conversation left them both reeling in its aftermath, and they were unsure of how it ended up that way. However, they also realized that something between them had, finally, changed.

Margaret made her way down to towards kitchen slowly, her mind still reeling from her interaction with Mr. Thornton. She forced herself to continue with the task she had begun beforehand, the laundry, and tried to not to think of that altercation, yet her mind kept drifted back to those few moments. Folding freshly laundered sheets and linen, she went over the conversation again and again. What had possessed him to ask her such a question? And what had tempted her to respond in such a way? She only knew she had to confess her folly in judging him so harshly at the start of their acquaintance, and for misunderstanding him. Unaware what his feelings were for her anymore, Margaret had only wanted to clear the air between them. Or had she?

Without a doubt, her opinion of him had changed. She knew he was caring and loyal, which could be seen by his fierce devotion to his family over the years and presently. Indeed, he had been kind towards both of Margaret's parents, in helping them settle in Milton, bringing her mother fresh fruit during her illness, and taking lessons with her father. He had even proven his steadfast loyalty to her, by protecting her from an inquest, even though she had rejected him and knew of her falsehood to the inspector. He had suffered great losses in his life, yet he had always persevered in the face of adversity.

Her impression of him was altered, and Margaret realized that she despaired that she had lost his good opinion of her. Through all that happened in their relationship, he had every reason to dislike her and to not remain in her presence. She had insulted him, rejected him, lied to him and belittled him as man; actions that made her stomach turn in guilt when she thought about them. Despite all this, she fervently hoped that his stance towards her was not forever altered. But why should she feel so strongly about it?

This thought lead to Margaret thinking of him questioning her how her opinion of him had changed. Her hands momentarily stopped their folding and sorting, and she recalled how a wave of such emotion had overtaken her. She had been about to say something to him, but what she was going to respond, she could not remember. All she could remember was that as they had looked each other in the eyes, she felt something so indescribable and overwhelming. And that he seemed to be feeling it too. The moment had been broken by the voice of her father, but she could not forget the connection that had temporarily formed between them.

Unwittingly, the thought came to Margaret's mind that, despite everything that happened between them, she had developed feelings for him. She tried to deny that this was the reason for her change in opinion of him, but the more she thought of her relationship with Mr. Thornton, the more natural this conclusion became. Margaret's breath became shallow and fast as she thought of every instance she was around him, and how she always desperately wished that their association was not fraught with so much disagreement. And how she yearned for him to know the truth, and not look upon her person with a visage of disdain. But more so, how she wished for him to still respect her, esteem her and love her. Thinking about how his love for her was no more was utterly unbearable. Tears came into Margaret's eyes before she could stop them, and although she tried to compose herself, one tear after the other fell from her lashes and down her cheeks. Despite everything that had occurred, their unfortunate first encounter, the riot and the disastrous and badly-timed proposal the day after, the incident with Frederick and the inquest, she realized she had fallen hopelessly in love with him. More tears poured out of her eyes, and with a trembling sigh, she sat down on one of the chairs near the window in an effort to calm herself.

_How had this happened? _Margaret thought desperately, as she took a steadying breath. She could scarcely believe that her feelings had undergone such a transformation. How could such dislike turn into such deep affection when most of their conversations were fraught with misunderstanding? It had all come on so slowly she could hardly believe she could have come to such a conclusion. Yet, she had. She was in love with him. Thinking about him made her heart begin to pound at a much faster rhythm, and whenever she was in close proximity of him, she felt breathless and dizzy. And when he was gone, she could now admit, her thoughts inevitably turned to him. She had never known what it was like to be in love, and honestly had no notion it would feel like this. Instead of the happy and warm feeling she associated with what being in love felt like, she felt such a torrent of emotion around Mr. Thornton that she seldom describe it. Although she faltered in her actions and words around him, their interactions had awakened something in her that made her feel electric. Margaret was sure she had never felt that way around any other person before.

But her realization of her affection for him came too late. Had he not himself told her his feelings for her were gone? Margaret took a shuddering breath, and wiped at tears which had finally stopped cascading down her face. She supposed she deserved this. Had she not callously rejected his love months ago? Had he felt as horribly broken as she did at this moment? Oh, how she regretted everything that had passed! If only she had known, only realized and not been such a prejudiced fool -

No. She could not let her mind wander the path of 'could have beens.' What had happened happened, and her dwelling on the past further would only be torture. But she was sure he had seen the expression on her face when he had boldly questioned her forward statement. She had seen his eyes widen in surprise at her countenance, and she was sure he had also felt the connection between before it been so abruptly broken. Perhaps he still had some feelings for her, but Margaret was unsure if this was just plaintive hope on her part. She shook herself, hating feeling so insecure and unsure of herself.

Finally standing from her seat, Margaret attempted to right her appearance, and to appear as if she had not just spent the last several minutes in tears which bordered on hysterical. No, she would set her mind to other things to now. Picking up another piece of linen, she began the tedious task of sorting laundry once again. Unwittingly, however, the sudden thought of seeing Mr. Thornton again came to her mind. She froze in the middle of her task; how on earth was she supposed to face him now?

Critique, comments and reviews are welcome! Especially if I have made any spelling or grammar mistakes, I'm a perfectionist, and if there are any in this story please point them out! Thanks.


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